i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
