between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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