Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Randomize
