Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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