Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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