i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
