She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
dude i'm inner monologue high
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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