i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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