I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
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