i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
