I need help removing her.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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