Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
