Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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