Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
