if you like me you must not know who I am
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
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