Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
