Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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