it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
