this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
