Need sex. Gaining weight.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
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