I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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