Pants 0. Shit 1.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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