went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
