Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
