you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Randomize
