I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
