I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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