At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
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