it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
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