Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
