Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
