This dress was meant to end up on your floor
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
