just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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