I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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