i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
