Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
