if you like me you must not know who I am
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
