I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
