I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
BRING THE BAGELS
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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