That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
