Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
