i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Randomize
