I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
