Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
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