Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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