The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
