i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
