Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
