I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
He better not be in your backpack
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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