dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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