it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
