So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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