Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Semen is not good for contacts.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
