and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
the liver wants what the liver wants
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Randomize
