The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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