The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
