I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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