Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
