I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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