Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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