Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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