i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I need to sanitize my soul.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Randomize
