i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Barsexuality is the new black.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
