He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
i drank out of a bidet.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
