What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Fuck appropriateness.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
