dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
