Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Randomize
